May 21 2009
Ah, The Conspiracy Theory
How we all love to chew on a juicy conspiracy! Especially when they are about our heroes and villains. (You can decide who is which and which is who…)
The cast of characters:
Act One
President Barack Obama: Rahm, what was I thinking by letting that fool on the hill redesign the Porkulous package. I campaigned on the promise to go line by line removing fat and she makes me a fat sandwich I have no choice but to eat! —Forcing the shit sandwich down the throats of Americans for generations!
Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel: Calm down, Big O. I realize that every time Nan opens her mouth our agenda gets put on hold and we must not be stopped! I have a plan to squash Madam Speaker’s balls in a vice!
President Barack Obama: I’m listening…
(Meanwhile, somewhere in Washington, DC in front of a mirror)
Speaker Nancy Pelosi: Mirror, Mirror, on the wall! Who beat out that bitch Hillary for the highest ranking woman of them all?
Mirror: You did, my Stretchness, oh and Barack…
Speaker Nancy Pelosi: I said WOMAN! Speaking of a woman where is my House Bitch Steny Hoyer? He’s not returning my calls!
Mirror: Right…
Back at the Whitehouse:
Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel: Listen, it’s quite devious! First we declassify some CIA documents that will show the reason not to keep written records in the first place and be able to kick the previous administration in the balls AGAIN! It will show how many times they splashed water in the terrorists face.
President Barack Obama: Rahmbo! Come on now, TORTURED, how many times we tortured those poor people in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong administration in place…
Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel: Right tortured, *Jesus Christmas Barack you’re Chicago Politics, we do worse things in the Senate* We show how many times they were tortured.
President Barack Obama: but won’t the American people see how effective it was when we show them the results of the torture? And then demand torture on demand?
Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel: OB1 You don’t know how lucky you are to have me by your side. We don’t release all the classified documents only selected pieces. You can count on that imbecile Cheney to scream for the documents, but his rating are through the floor, nobody will care. But the questions about who knew what and when will come up. We will put that shitstain Hoyer on it! Nancy Pelosi knew about the waterboarding from the beginning.
President Barack Obama: Rahm, I smell what you’re cooking… and it stinks, but we need to tape her mouth shut! What puppet will replace her?
…
Madam Speakers digs
Majority Leader Steny Hoyer: Madam Speaker, uh, we need to uh, look like we care about misleading the public and out-right-lies against other agencies of our government, so it looks like we’re going to have to start an investigation. I’m sure it will be harmless…
Speaker Nancy Pelosi: I admit nothing, deny everything, and I will make counter accusations like “the CIA lied to us!” and “what difference would it make if I said anything against what I’m saying I knew nothing about because they wouldn’t do anything anyway!”
Act Two
Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel: When we release the amount of waterboarding amounts we will make the wording such that confuses the issue… We’ll use the New York Times to run this story: Waterboarding Used 266 Times on 2 Suspects
Unfortunately, Fox News will run a more legitimate story: Despite Reports, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Was Not Waterboarded 183 Times.
…
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Other Voices:
Dance, Nancy, dance By Michelle Malkin
Watch and learn with easy 6 step Video!
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TheAnchoress: Fun Game, Oratory Page & other stuff
Tracking the stimulus: oh, you didn’t really buy that transparency thing, did you? Because you know, if you bought that you were just dumb.
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Democrats pretty excited about errors found in CIA list on waterboarding briefings May 20, 2009 9:14 PM by Allahpundit
How much more pathetic and embarrassing can this story get? This much.
