Jul 19 2008
Is this your first time on a plane?
Can somebody tell me how we got here?
Traveling / flying really sucks these days. As a child I rode a school bus, the train, the public bus that you had to pull the cable attached to a bell to let the driver know he needed to stop, but I never flew on an airplane. I didn’t have that pleasure until I was in my 20’s—I believe it was on my honeymoon flight to Jamaica. On this trip I loved the entire event including being interrogated by US Customs Agents and the food and wine in little bottles with screw tops! I have a story about US Customs Agents, but not here. Not now.
Well, I have since flown quite a bit, back and forth, all over the country and across the pond a few times and the honeymoon is definitely over. Over, to the point of never wanting to strip down to my bare feet, or be probed by people with gloves, or to have my personal belongings (including a delicate machine that helps me stay alive while I sleep) fiddled with—checking in at a post 9/11 airport means checking my dignity at the curb (not that it was so much fun before, it’s just so much worse now) I don’t want to get into the whole flight thing, including paying ridiculous fees from the ticket that has a terrorist tax included, the food which isn’t included, and now extra moo-la for my luggage! If a person was quick enough to add up all the nickel and diming going on they would never fly because they would be outraged at the actual cost—much like taxes coming out of your paycheck. *tangent warning* If a person actually received their gross pay and had to write a check after each pay check they would spit! Some simple people believe that we don’t pay enough taxes and when asked if they voluntarily give any extra money to the Government on April 15th… Right.
Sorry, I want to focus on the getting on and off of the plane here. You can read about other plane nonsense and shenanigans here.
There are some guidelines, “this is not Nam man, there are rules!” and they might not be rules of criminal law, but there are the rules of civil decency—we aren’t animals after all!
Getting on a plane is a nightmare enough without someone clogging up the isle while they get their seat ready before they let anyone else pass.
New Rule: when you get to your seat move out of the isle into your row—allowing others in the isle to get by to their seat, while you are standing at your seat put you bag and what not either in the above overhead, under the seat in front of you or in the seat pocket.
Wait until everyone in your row is seated before you buckle up—sidenote*: if by chance you don’t know how to buckle and unbuckle your seatbelt, do everyone a favor and walk to your final destination a plane is no place for you! I am so sick and tired of that instruction!
When your plane lands and is rolling to the gateway before it’s big complete stop—realize that everyone wants to get off the gd plane in a hurry, but there are rules, this is not knock down your fellow man time because you need to get off sooner than is your turn! Repeat after me, “Who the hell do I think I am? I must wait my turn.”
New Rule: the trip is over and they tell you it’s okay to use your cell phone, the little bell rings denoting it’s okay to unbuckle your seatbelt *see above about your abilities* and everyone races to unbuckle and rushes to stand up to then wait for 10 more minutes… Here it comes, are you paying attention? People sitting in front of you should be able to leave the plane before you, without you stampeding them, or pushing them over because you think you’re the Queen of England!
Just because your standing doesn’t give you the right to go before the row in front of you! Pay to sit in the first row if you’re so important! If not realize you’re just a schmuck like the rest of us who has to wait his or her turn!
Guess what, regardless how fast you get off the plane, no matter how many people you knock over or rush, you will be waiting for your luggage like everyone else! Don’t be rude—wait your turn!
Another Rule: (that just came to mind) cover your gd mouth when you cough or sneeze, blow your nose in the bathroom for god sake, and wear a mask if you have a contagious illness!
Another Other Rule: personal hygiene and other assorted gasses—you stink, no really, you stink! Keep them to yourself, bathe, use deodorant, and or go in the bathroom to release your stink!
Sidenote: can someone please help me get a petition together to stop the incessant repetition of the seatbelt instructions every time we take-off—enough is enough! We get it, slip the buckle in to lock and lift the flap up to unlock! Geez!
I finally decided to write a comment on your blog. I just wanted to say good job. I really enjoy reading your posts.
Thanks Mike!
I hope we keep you coming back with fun, interesting, and irascible commentary and opinion.
—iChef